Rating: * * *
The problem is with Stallone’s leadership. To you, me and anybody watching the film, its very clear what's needed to make it a jolly thrill ride: just make a well executed B-movie. Make it silly. Make it stupid. Make it fun. Throw in some ridiculous action set-pieces and some decent in-jokes about what’s really going on and we’re set. In the best scene in the movie, it just does that: Schwarzenegger arrives for his cameo and exchanges quips on his old career and why he can’t come along for the ride this time. It’s a meta-textual delight and exactly what is needed and expected. Stallone should think himself as a man making Crank or Rocky Balboa, both of which I enjoyed more then I was supposed to as a rationale human being. The problem is that Stallone has never really been comfortable with seeing himself as such a figure. Throughout his career he has tried on numerous occasions to move into intellectual areas, all of which have been disastrous. The man isn’t a particularly gifted writer, director or actor, what he can do is carry some action and deliver some lines. When this is used well it’s brilliant. First Blood is probably my favourite Stallone film and that’s a picture that really stands the test of time. It’s a fun action film that’s actually about something deep without ever really trying to be. It isn’t ponderous, it isn’t dull and it doesn’t take itself remotely seriously. Copland, Judge Dredd, the latest horrible Rambo film, they all think they’ve got the capacity to change the world and that’s why they all fail.
With The Expendables, I’ve got the sneaking suspicion that Stallone thinks that he is making his version of Unforgiven. Clint Eastwood managed to make a poiygnant examination of his legacy as an action star because he’s a great actor and good director; Stallone’s mediocre attempts at something similar are frankly bizarre. He crowbars a false morality onto the ridiculous story he’s concoted so that his character seems to spends a good twenty minutes in the middle of the film trying to discover the inner truth of the situation. There’s even a really strange Mickey Rourke (yes, he’s in it too) speech, ala The Wrestler, about the cost of their actions on their souls. It really, really doesn’t work. Not only does it stop the movie dead, removing all sense of fun from the proceedings, but it alerts the audience to the problems with what they are watching. How can a film preaching to be about a man trying to save his soul get off on the spectacle of violence like it does? How can a plot that wants to tackle some existential dilemmias be so ropey and make so little sense? You can’t ask the audience to get to grips with the metaphysics of what’s happening when what is happening defies the very basic principles of physics, and logic, and common sense. The excessive action therefore feels excessive, the cardboard characters are just cardboard and any sense of charm or whimsy drains out of the proceedings. It’s a real shame because without these ill-advised attempts at grandeur none of these things would bother me; I’d just let it all go and enjoy myself. But the net result is that the laughs dry up, the action gets dull and, with half an hour to go, you get the sinking feeling that’d you’d just rather it all stop.
And then it does. And yes, Inception is better. Shame really.
In moments of pride and self-congratulation, I like to think that I have joined a group of individuals known as the cinephiles. We are a noble and strong race with a certain set of specialist skills, including knowing where our closest three art-house cinemas are and where to shop for the best in European and Asian new releases. We are well-versed in the works of Ingmar Bergman, we’ve been known to occasionally enjoy and an occasional Ozu film or two and we even think we know what the hell happens at the end of 2001: A Space Odyssey. I’ve worked hard to become a member of such an elite group of social outcasts and pretentious know-it-alls yet all my work is undone when movies like The Expendables are released. Beneath all my attempts at academic prowess, I sat in the cinema more excited than I had been than before any other release this year. Beneath all my explorations into a world of serious intellectual depth, it turns out that, deep down, I just want to watch Sly Stallone punch something.
For those not versed in the film’s essential selling point, the premise is simple: Sly Stallone plays Barney Ross, the aging leader of a band of mercenaries. This elite team charge millions per contract to take out/ save/ solve any problem they are required to face. The plot basically involves… No, there’s just no point. Its really stand B-movie stuff, the narrative basically a weaving path through explosions and one-liners and violence. What makes the film worth a cinematic release and my own giddy excitement is the cast list. Stallone has shopped around, made some calls and managed to populate the movie with action stars of past and present. This saliva-inducing roll-call includes the ghosts of movies past in the form of 80s star Dolph Lungren and an aging Jet Li (Jean-Claude Van Damme was offered a role, but sadly declined). We get the ghost of movies present with the ever-brilliant Jason Statham and the ghost of movies to come in the form of Steve Austin and Randy Couture (nope, I’ve not heard of the latter either). Therefore, what is set up is a glorious love letter to the collection of naff, silly, stupid and utterly, utterly brilliant action movies of one’s early adolescence or at least my adolescence. Movies like Red Scorpion, Under Siege, Timecop surely make up the primordial soup of anybody's love of the moving image and I am no expection. In fact, until a few years ago, I still believed that Commando - the eighties Schwarzenegger movie - was the greatest action movie of all time. I now perhaps see the error of my ways, I now perhaps have grown up and see that true value lies in substance, not style, but that doesn’t mean I don’t still occasionally enjoy watching such movies. B-Movies are just great when done well: their plots are ridiculous, their action set-pieces needlessly violent, their characters and acting as wooden as the Mary Rose but they do exhibit a kind of pure aesthetic of joy and fun and I was really, really excited about watching those actors sign off with a fun, campy send up and celebration of their careers. I even secretly had a phrase ready to write into this review if the film lived up to my insane expectations: I was ready to declare it: “better than Inception, because it knows exactly what its doing and does it brilliantly” and was happy to sit back and invite the controversy and the gnashing of teeth. Sadly, and I mean sadly, this phrase just isn’t applicable because Sly Stallone, in his role as Writer/Director, as messed such a great chance of glory.
It’s not without its joys. I mean, Li. Stallone. JASON STATHAM, it really is impossible to not get a kick out watching these action gods interact on screen, voguing off each other like prize stallions, and individual bits and pieces do jump off the screen and smack you with their gnarly, entertainment sticks. I particularly enjoyed the chemistry between Stallone and Statham (isn’t that just a glorious sentence!). Jason Statham has real, real movie charisma and I’d watch absolutely anything with him. I’ve seen him play a bank robber, a gangster, a man who has to pump adrenaline into his heart to stop himself dying, a convict turned speed racer. I’ve even seen him play a Turnip Farmer (In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale… seriously, go and check it out right now.) The two riffing of one other as bickering friends really works and is charming and engaging. Its also nice to see Dolph Lungren get the chance to ham it up again as an incredibly silly villain and Jet Li is also rather funny as Ying-Yang, yep, Ying-Yang. The veterans who have agreed to Sly’s project know exactly what’s expected of them and deliver it to the best of their loved abilities. There is a reason we loved these guys as spotty prepubescents.
For those not versed in the film’s essential selling point, the premise is simple: Sly Stallone plays Barney Ross, the aging leader of a band of mercenaries. This elite team charge millions per contract to take out/ save/ solve any problem they are required to face. The plot basically involves… No, there’s just no point. Its really stand B-movie stuff, the narrative basically a weaving path through explosions and one-liners and violence. What makes the film worth a cinematic release and my own giddy excitement is the cast list. Stallone has shopped around, made some calls and managed to populate the movie with action stars of past and present. This saliva-inducing roll-call includes the ghosts of movies past in the form of 80s star Dolph Lungren and an aging Jet Li (Jean-Claude Van Damme was offered a role, but sadly declined). We get the ghost of movies present with the ever-brilliant Jason Statham and the ghost of movies to come in the form of Steve Austin and Randy Couture (nope, I’ve not heard of the latter either). Therefore, what is set up is a glorious love letter to the collection of naff, silly, stupid and utterly, utterly brilliant action movies of one’s early adolescence or at least my adolescence. Movies like Red Scorpion, Under Siege, Timecop surely make up the primordial soup of anybody's love of the moving image and I am no expection. In fact, until a few years ago, I still believed that Commando - the eighties Schwarzenegger movie - was the greatest action movie of all time. I now perhaps see the error of my ways, I now perhaps have grown up and see that true value lies in substance, not style, but that doesn’t mean I don’t still occasionally enjoy watching such movies. B-Movies are just great when done well: their plots are ridiculous, their action set-pieces needlessly violent, their characters and acting as wooden as the Mary Rose but they do exhibit a kind of pure aesthetic of joy and fun and I was really, really excited about watching those actors sign off with a fun, campy send up and celebration of their careers. I even secretly had a phrase ready to write into this review if the film lived up to my insane expectations: I was ready to declare it: “better than Inception, because it knows exactly what its doing and does it brilliantly” and was happy to sit back and invite the controversy and the gnashing of teeth. Sadly, and I mean sadly, this phrase just isn’t applicable because Sly Stallone, in his role as Writer/Director, as messed such a great chance of glory.
It’s not without its joys. I mean, Li. Stallone. JASON STATHAM, it really is impossible to not get a kick out watching these action gods interact on screen, voguing off each other like prize stallions, and individual bits and pieces do jump off the screen and smack you with their gnarly, entertainment sticks. I particularly enjoyed the chemistry between Stallone and Statham (isn’t that just a glorious sentence!). Jason Statham has real, real movie charisma and I’d watch absolutely anything with him. I’ve seen him play a bank robber, a gangster, a man who has to pump adrenaline into his heart to stop himself dying, a convict turned speed racer. I’ve even seen him play a Turnip Farmer (In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale… seriously, go and check it out right now.) The two riffing of one other as bickering friends really works and is charming and engaging. Its also nice to see Dolph Lungren get the chance to ham it up again as an incredibly silly villain and Jet Li is also rather funny as Ying-Yang, yep, Ying-Yang. The veterans who have agreed to Sly’s project know exactly what’s expected of them and deliver it to the best of their loved abilities. There is a reason we loved these guys as spotty prepubescents.
The problem is with Stallone’s leadership. To you, me and anybody watching the film, its very clear what's needed to make it a jolly thrill ride: just make a well executed B-movie. Make it silly. Make it stupid. Make it fun. Throw in some ridiculous action set-pieces and some decent in-jokes about what’s really going on and we’re set. In the best scene in the movie, it just does that: Schwarzenegger arrives for his cameo and exchanges quips on his old career and why he can’t come along for the ride this time. It’s a meta-textual delight and exactly what is needed and expected. Stallone should think himself as a man making Crank or Rocky Balboa, both of which I enjoyed more then I was supposed to as a rationale human being. The problem is that Stallone has never really been comfortable with seeing himself as such a figure. Throughout his career he has tried on numerous occasions to move into intellectual areas, all of which have been disastrous. The man isn’t a particularly gifted writer, director or actor, what he can do is carry some action and deliver some lines. When this is used well it’s brilliant. First Blood is probably my favourite Stallone film and that’s a picture that really stands the test of time. It’s a fun action film that’s actually about something deep without ever really trying to be. It isn’t ponderous, it isn’t dull and it doesn’t take itself remotely seriously. Copland, Judge Dredd, the latest horrible Rambo film, they all think they’ve got the capacity to change the world and that’s why they all fail.
With The Expendables, I’ve got the sneaking suspicion that Stallone thinks that he is making his version of Unforgiven. Clint Eastwood managed to make a poiygnant examination of his legacy as an action star because he’s a great actor and good director; Stallone’s mediocre attempts at something similar are frankly bizarre. He crowbars a false morality onto the ridiculous story he’s concoted so that his character seems to spends a good twenty minutes in the middle of the film trying to discover the inner truth of the situation. There’s even a really strange Mickey Rourke (yes, he’s in it too) speech, ala The Wrestler, about the cost of their actions on their souls. It really, really doesn’t work. Not only does it stop the movie dead, removing all sense of fun from the proceedings, but it alerts the audience to the problems with what they are watching. How can a film preaching to be about a man trying to save his soul get off on the spectacle of violence like it does? How can a plot that wants to tackle some existential dilemmias be so ropey and make so little sense? You can’t ask the audience to get to grips with the metaphysics of what’s happening when what is happening defies the very basic principles of physics, and logic, and common sense. The excessive action therefore feels excessive, the cardboard characters are just cardboard and any sense of charm or whimsy drains out of the proceedings. It’s a real shame because without these ill-advised attempts at grandeur none of these things would bother me; I’d just let it all go and enjoy myself. But the net result is that the laughs dry up, the action gets dull and, with half an hour to go, you get the sinking feeling that’d you’d just rather it all stop.
And then it does. And yes, Inception is better. Shame really.
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